


go the fuck to sleep

by coatmeingalaxies



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Babysitter Fury, Child Avengers, Jarvis just tries to be helpful, Kid Bruce, Kid Bucky, Kid Clint Barton, Kid Natasha Romanov, Kid Phil Coulson, Kid Sam Wilson, Kid Steve Rogers, Kid Thor, Kid Tony Stark, Loki meddles, Pepper isn't dealing with this shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:48:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3756778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coatmeingalaxies/pseuds/coatmeingalaxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki places some sort of spell on the Avengers and turned them all into children. Somehow, Fury wound up on babysitting duty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	go the fuck to sleep

Fury isn't quite sure how it happened. One moment, the comm units were active with the team's chatter and the next they were filled with children's voices. The team had been fighting Loki, who was up to his usual tricks. This time, he was solely targeting the Avengers and not attempting to take over the world. Fury thanks whatever God there is for small favors. Small favors and Pepper Pott's ability to think on the fly. She somehow managed to get the team back to the tour in one piece. And now, Fury was left to play babysitter because "There is no way in hell that you can convince me to babysit, Director. I get enough of that from just Tony".

The events of the morning were starting to take a toll on his team. Each of them were wearing miniature versions of their respective battle gear, including Coulson who was still in his suit and tie. Fury shook his head and surveyed the superheroes in front of him. Bruce, wearing only his tattered shorts and clutching a Hulk stuffed animal, was in the furthest corner of the room and had his back against the wall. Tony kept trying to crawl over to him but every time he got within a couple of feet, Bruce would start to turn green and cause Tony to retreat to a safe distance. Fury already had to confiscate Clint's bow. Child-Clint still had impressive aim but Fury didn't trust him not to accidentally hit anyone. When he had tried to get Natasha's gun, she simply raised her eyebrow and stared at him. Nick wasn't sure how she still managed that look as a child, but quickly decided it wasn't worth the trouble. Thor and Sam were quietly playing with blocks that Pepper had so graciously left before she made her hasty retreat. 

Fury did a quick count. Coulson, Bruce, Tony, Clint, Natasha, Thor, Sam. He was missing two. The two super soldiers were no were to be found. Fury groaned, stood up, and decided that once he found the missing pair he was going to convince the children to nap. As he stood, Natasha said something to him in Russian. Nick rolled his eyes, "Of course she only speaks Russian" he thought. This day was getting better and better. 

Clump. Clump. Clump. 

The noise was coming from behind him. Quick as lightning, Fury drew his gun and aimed it at whatever was about to come through the doors of the living area. Behind him, Natasha just rolled her eyes and continued speaking in Russian. A dark haired boy emerged first, peeking out from behind a huge pile of blankets and pillows in his arms. 

"Steve gets cold easy. I ain't gonna let him get sick 'gin." Bucky couldn't have been older than 6 but was still attempting to take care of Steve. Trailing behind him, a tiny Steve Rogers puffed up his chest. 

"Bucky I'm fine. Its just the sniffles or somethin'." At that, Bucky rolled his eyes. "I saw that Jerk." Steve was trailing what looked like a poorly dressed bear in his wake. As he got closer, Fury realized that it was a Bucky Bear. He had to stifle his laugher at that.

"Why don't the two of you bring those blankets over next to the couch and take a nap or something?" Fury asked. A nap. Now that sounded like a great idea. If he could get the team to sleep, maybe he could finally talk to Hill and figure out what the fuck was going on here. "Not just the two of you, I want everyone over here. Its nap time."

Bruce cautiously crept out of his corner and toward the group. Seeing this, Tony's eyes lit up and moved as fast as his tiny legs could carry him to get a good spot on the floor. "Come on Bruce. You can have this corner here and I'll sit right next to you!" Tony was excited to finally be near his science buddy. 

Thor and Sam abandoned the blocks for blankets and joined the group already seated in front of Fury. Coulson didn't bother moving from his spot on the couch; instead choosing to snag a blanket and make himself a nest in the cushions. He looked at Clint and Natasha, who hadn't moved from their spot near the window. "He said everyone, that means you two as well." Coulson called. Natasha and Clint opted to join Coulson on the couch. 

"Now that everyones here, take a nap." Fury moved to stand but before he could, his words were met with loud protests. 

"I can't go to sleep without a story."

"Me neither"

Natasha grumbled in Russian, but seemed to be in agreement with her teammates. 

Fury scrubbed his face with his hand. A fucking story? Where the fuck was he supposed to get a children's story from? He felt a slight tug on his sleeve. 

"Please will you read us a story?" Fury turned and was met with Steve's puppy dog eyes. "I always sleep better when I get a story before bed."

Bucky nodded furiously. "Its true, Stevie makes me tell him at least one a night"

Groaning, Nick collapsed back into his chair. Fine. If it was a story they wanted, a story they would get. He was at his wits end. 

"One story. Thats all you're going to get." Fury's eyes roamed around the room until he saw a painting of a cat sleeping in the sun. He'd have to ask Stark later what the hell that was doing there.

"The cats nestle close to their kittens, The lambs have laid down with the sheep.You are cozy and warm in your bed, my dear. Please go the fuck to sleep." He spoke with the softest voice that he could manage.

"The windows are dark in the town, child. The whales huddle down in the deep. I'll read you one very last book if you swear You'll go the fuck to sleep."

Clint interrupted, "Its not dark out and you're not reading a book. What kind of story is this?"

"Its the only kind you'll get" Fury growled at the tiny archer. "I can stop now -"

"No no!" Coulson exclaimed as Natasha elbowed Clint. "Continue please"

Fury sighed and continued his made up story, "The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest And the creatures who crawl, run and creep."

Sam tried to stand as quietly as possible and make his escape to the kitchen. Fury trained his good eye on him and continued "I know you're not thirsty. That's bullshit. Stop lying. Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep." Sam meekly returned to his seat in front of the couch.

"The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon. The field mice, they make not a peep. It's been thirty-eight minutes already. Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep."

"Sir if I may make a correction. From the time you suggested the nap until now, exactly forty minutes have passed" This time it was JARVIS who interrupted the Director.

Fury rolled his eyes at the ceiling. 

"All the kids from day care are in dreamland. The froggie has made his last leap-"

"I must-" Thor started to speak.

"Hell no, you can't go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep." Fury kept his good eye trained on the young god.

"The owls fly forth from the treetops. Through the air they soar and they sweep. The hot, crimson rage fills my heart, love. For real: shut the fuck up and sleep." The last line was directed at the giggling super soldiers to his left. For the life of him, Fury could not see any kind of humor in this situation.

"The cubs and the lions are snoring. Wrapped in a big, snuggly heap." 

Out of the corner of his eye Fury could see Tony tinkering with something mechanical.

"How come you can do all this other great shit, But you can't lie the fuck down and sleep?"

Fury took a deep breath before continuing "The seeds slumber beneath the earth now, And the crops that the farmers will reap."

Bruce meekly raised his hand.

"No more questions, this interview's over. I've got two words for you, kid: fucking sleep." announced Fury, shaking his head at Bruce.

Bruce's hand slowly went down and back around the Hulk plush toy. 

"The tiger reclines in the Siberian jungle. The sparrow has silenced her cheep."

Fury heard the movement and ducked in time to avoid being hit in the face by a flying Bucky Bear. The bear landed all the way across the room on top of a bookcase. 

"Sir, will you-" Steve started.

"Fuck your stuffed bear, I'm not getting you shit. Close your eyes, cut the crap: sleep."

"Flowers doze low in the meadows And high on the mountains so steep. My life is a failure, I'm a shitty-ass parent. Stop fucking with me please, and sleep."

He glared at all the children in front of him, attempting to put as much force behind it as possible.

"The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing, As I lie here and openly weep."

"I just want a glass of milk" Sam whined from his spot on the floor.

Fury threw his hands in the air, "Sure, fine, whatever, I'll bring you some milk. Who the fuck cares? You're not gonna sleep."

Sam took off, quick as bullet into the kitchen. Fury couldn't decide if he cared anymore. 

"This room is all I can remember. The furniture crappy and cheap." Tony stiffened at the obvious jab and glared at the director. He too took off down the hall.

"You win! You escape, you run down the hall"

That was the last thing Nick remembered saying before he fell asleep. It could have been a couple of minutes or hours later when he woke up, bleary and dazed, to find all little eyes were shut. Slowly, he stood and as quietly as possible backed out of the room. 

"Let them be fucking asleep" he whispered. Stark had put an office somewhere on this floor and it took Nick a couple of minutes to find it. He pulled out his phone and started making his calls, first to Pepper then to Hill. Halfway through his conversation with Hill, Fury looked up and saw nine pairs of eyes gleaming in the doorway.

"Oh shit, goddamn it, you've got to be kidding. Go the fuck back to sleep!" he roared. The eyes vanished, and Fury let his phone slip out of his hand and back onto the desk. He was exhausted. 

 

\------------------

 

That was how the Avengers found him the next morning, head on the desk and phone just inches away from his hand. It seemed as if Loki's spell only lasted 24 hours. Bruce was the first to wake up and head back to his own floor. Natasha snapped a few pictures on her StarkPhone before disappearing with Clint and Coulson hot on her heels. Thor and Sam were still cuddled up on the floor and nobody had the heart to wake them. Steve smiled at Bucky and placed a pillow under the Director's head. The two super soldiers looked at each other and decided that more sleep was necessary. 

When Nick finally woke up, he had a pillow under his head and a picture message from Natasha. He shook his head and grumbled "I'm never fucking playing babysitter ever again."

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting anything of this sort. Any kind of feedback would be appreciated! The story Fury tells is actually a children's book written by Adam Mansbach. There's a version of Samuel L. Jackson reading it on youtube. The writing bug struck and this happened. This is completely unedited as I'm tying this at 5am.


End file.
